I had a dilemma yesterday morning, whether or not to send Joshua to school? He had woken us both up at 2am after his seizure and emergency medication. We had then both fallen back asleep on the settee around 5am until 7.30 so I did not have long to decide what to do as his taxi arrives at 8.20: Joshua was still fast asleep so if I was sending him into school, I was going to have to wake him. But I really needed to go to work, to make up for the time I lost the day before as I had left my desk in a hurry as soon as I had received the call from his teacher – I had dropped everything and dashed out of the door.
So I decided to wake Joshua at 8am so that I could go to work, but he really resisted my plan. He could bearly stand up as I dressed him and once he was ready, he curled up on the settee to resume his dreams. He managed to walk out to the taxi but he looked exhausted and I knew he was going to sleep all the way to school and then probably all morning.
This made me feel guilty, bad that I had sent him to school, knowing that he needed to sleep and all because I needed to work on my day off. But I consoled myself knowing that I was in school around lunchtime for a meeting and that if he was still shattered, I could bring him home early. So I went to the office with a heavy heart and I managed to complete the tasks that were waiting for me. I had a reassuring text to let me know that he was comfortably asleep, under supervision, and so I was able to relax.
When I got to school for my 1pm meeting, I heard that he had woken around midday but was still bleary-eyed, so I decided to go to my meeting before seeing him. I was out of the meeting around 2.30 and the class was on it’s way to assembly. I heard that now Joshua was full of beans and so I chatted in his classroom while I waited to take him home. He dragged his teacher into the classroom after assembly and greeted me with a huge grin, hug and that words ‘ it’s your mummy!’ Which melted my heart after all the morning’s anxiety. He was then very affectionate and giddy, telling all staff that his mummy was here. I waited a while longer as his eyes kept rolling, suggesting that another seizure was brewing, but it never materialised thankfully.
So we survived the day unscathed but what I find difficult is the short window first thing in the morning during which I have to make decisions that impact on our day, usually making those difficult choices while sleep deprived and while Joshua is still asleep. That’s why weekends are more relaxing mornings as Joshua can sleep or not, it’s up to him!